Opening Scene: The Skywalker Household

Annakin: What??!!! You're Pregnant??!!

Padme: Yes my love. It all happened when...

A: But... This is the last of the prequels. How the hell can you top Princess Leia in a bikini in that condition??!

(suddenly Obi wan calls Annakin on his 3D Mobile phone)
A: Yes OB Wan?

OB: Annie, the planet of Wookieland is under attack from the evil sith!

A: It is ANNAKIN! Cut out the annie stuff. And what the hell are we supposed to do in Wookieland?

OB: We need to get Chewbacca in the plot in this movie or else we have no way to explain why Harrison Ford was cavorting with an overgrown terrier.

A: Screw the wookies. Nothing can convince me to join you in a reckless attempt to save a remote backwater planet from hordes of evil heavily armed drones. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. (closes hologram)

P: Thats nice dear. I need someone to talk to while im I get all these headaches, bad moods, irritating whining and all. BTW- Do you think I look fat already?

A: (pause. Turns on the mobile phone) Uhhh, on second thought Obi Wan... Did you just say Wookieland is great at this time of the year?
__________________

Scene 2: Adventures in Wookieland

Anakin, Obi Wan, R2D2, C3PO, Chewbacca and a younger harrison ford team up to save wookieland from the evil sith. Thirty minutes of Special effects later, the whole planet is freed! Camera zooms in to the Wookies who in gratitude, keep chanting and hang out large banners of the phrase...

Anakin: Arrrrggghhhh!!!!

Scene fades.
Yoda's Voice: Anger leads to hate.. hate leads to sufffffffering
__________________

Scene 3: Jedi Council

Mace Windu: Annie Skywalker, I believe it is time you earned the right to be a full-fledged Jedi Knight.

Anakin: It is ANAKIN! Not Annie.

M: Fine. Blah blah blah... the council wants you to be Emperor Palpatine's Bodyguard.

A: Really? That nice guy who in no way could be the evil lord of the Siths?

M: Yup. And dont worry we'll take care of Padme for you while you're there.

A: Uh, ok.

__________________
Scene 4: With Palpatine in his chamber

Palpatine: I sense that you are not truly happy being a Jedi.

Anakin: Tell me about it.

P: I see your fear. I see your doubts. And I offer you a chance to find what you are looking for.

A: Really? Can you change my name?

P: (Pause). I'll do more than that... (claps his hands)

Five strange queer-looking men enter the room.

P: Behold... the power of the FAB FIVE!!!

Queers: (swarm over Anakin) Ooohhh... you know, you could lose that stupid ponytail... Oh and Black is in Vogue right now. All black will be cool. especially with plastic.

A: ...

Queer1: Lose the wussy voice. Try something more manly, like James Earl Jones for example. And breath heavily. It adds to the raw sexuality of a bad guy.

A: Uhh... How about my name?

Queer2: Annie is good. Right guys?

A: I HATE ANNIEEE!!!!! (Uses the force to rip out the insides of Queer Guy #3)

Queer 2: On second thought, Darth something is always nice. How about Darth Annie?

A: (uses force to rip out the insides of queer guy #4)

Q2: Darth RaideR? VAder? Yeah! Vader is cool!

A: Ok.

Palpatine: I will give you this... all of this... ... if you join us in... THE DARK SIDE

A: So no one will call me annie again?

P: Yes! No one will ever call you annie again. Plus I'd remodel your flat too if you want. Hmm... Id have given you dance and culinary lessons, but you fried the two queers.

A: Well, theyre pretty much useless anyway. The only cool ones are the ones that actually give the makeover and the remodeling....

P: Oh well. So you will join us then? I'll throw in a whole new wardrobe for free if you join now.

A: Deal.

___________________
Scene 5: Darth Vader is talking to palpatine

Darth Vader: Kill the Jedi? Why?

Palpatine: It is your duty as sith.

D: No way. Mace is my friend. And Yoda's so cool levitating and talking funny like that.

P: Then i have no choice. I must tell you a dark secret.

D: ?

P: Padme had an affair with one of the Jedi Knights. The child she is carrying is not yours.

D: WHAT???!!!!! THAT BITCH!!!

P: Yes. My sources say they saw her with Yoda and "playing with his lightsaber" (wink wink.)

D: YODA??!!! I cant believe it!

P: Well, now that you mention it, im not so sure who it was... But it WAS a blue light saber...

D: THOSE BASTARDS!!! I WILL KILL THEM ALL!!! (Storms out)

____________________
Scene 6: Darth Vader is attacking the council

OB Wan: Annie!! What are you doing?

Darth Vader: I am not ANNIE!!! I will kill yoda and all of you Jedi knights! Leave now Obi wan or i will kill you too!

OB Wan: (draws a BLUE light saber) Im sorry, Annie, but ill have to stop you.

Mace Windu: (Draws a BLUE light saber) If you want to go to yoda, you pass thru me.

Twenty other Jedi Masters (draw twenty other BLUE light sabers): And us!

Darth Vader: Bastards!! (Attacks all the Jedis)

30 minutes of Light Saber fighting later...

OB Wan: Ughhh cant stand (almost dies)

Mace windu: (dies)

Twenty other Jedi Masters: (dies)

DV: Thats what happens when you call me Annie!

(Darth Vader OST plays.)
___________________
Scene 7: Padme's Bedroom

Yoda: Hmmm. Great Anger I sense. Disruption in the Force, I fear.

Padme: Thats me in labor! Where the hell is Annnakin??!! I will kill him for doing this to me! (Gives birth to the twins)

Darth Vader crashes into the room and walks towards Padme.

Padme: Annie!!

DV: I am not Annie, you bitch!!! (uses force and throws Padme around the room)

Padme: Annie!! Why are you doing this??!!

DV: Shut up! So you like Yoda's light saber better than mine??!!

Yoda: (interrupts) Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hm? Mmmm. (draws a BLUE lightsaber)

A fight ensues between yoda and Darth Vader. Yoda, getting desperate, uses the Force to teleport baby Luke and Leia out of the bedroom and into the next trilogy. Padme, saves yoda by shielding him with her body. As Darth Vader deals the killing blow, Yoda flies out.

DV: Padme! Im sorry! What have I done??!

Padme: (Gurgles blood) I never had any affair with other Jedi knights!!!

DV: Nooooooooo!!!!

P: And those two children were yours!

DV: Nooooooooo!!!!

P: And you look like a moron in that mask!

DV: Nooooooooo!!!! (pause)

DV: Wait, It is better than the ponytail right?

P: Well yeah... Where was I? Oh yeah... You just killed any chance of me appearing in a bikini you idiot!!! (dies)

DV: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!!!!!!!

P: (looks up) Oh yeah. Look at your light saber.

(looks at his BLUE light saber)

DV: Noooooooooooooooo!!!!

Padme: (dies. for real)

And with that, the prequel ends. Darth Vader, now the only remaining Jedi knight besides OB Wan and Yoda becomes the most evil villain in the galaxy. The empire falls to the dark side and all hope is lost... until the next sequel... A NEW HOPE (duh).

A bloodcurdling scream rocked across the hallways.

"So it begins." The female figure glanced at her watch. Right on schedule. More screams and moans echoed continiously. Ever since The Guy In The Red Suit took over the management of the Inferno, it had really been hard work for all of her fellow demons.

But it was fun.

The Boss was definitely devious. Murphy smiled as she recalled the number of new programs and tortures over the last few years. Why, morale among the denizens of the Inferno was so high that even the demons of Sloth appeared to be working more hours.

The Demon Murphy continued on and entered the fiery pillars symbolizing the entrance to the gargantuan Infernal Torture chamber. Here, billions of souls got their daily treatment from the sadistically perky demons of torture. Racks, Vises, chinese finger traps and contraptions of every possible kind were here to inflict maximum pain upon the torturees.

"Hey Murphy!" A demon holding a pair of morning stars called out to her. "If you're looking for The Boss, he's near the new area!"

"Be right there!" She shouted back. Damn, she missed doing the torturing. Before her current role as an external demon, she used to be the most creative of the lot here. Then he came and assigned her to deal with the humans outside of hell.

Her latest missions have been mainly sowing confusion, misfortune and doubt. None of the usual death, pain and suffering. She was getting bored. She missed thinking up tortures... well, there is Him though...

Murphy glanced around. The "new area" was the Boss's experiment. Bored with the medieval ways used since time immemorial, he set up a series of modern torture devices such as electric showers, anal probes and TVs which played reruns of Teletubbies indefinitely.

There was also a new threadmill, Murphy noticed. On it, a poor sap wearing mismatched high heels was trying desperately to jog at full speed. Behind him, just a bit behind the threadmill, was a bespectacled middle-aged man holding a whip and happily flaying away at the tortured soul's back.

"Murphy!" The Guy in the Red Suit called out to her.

"Whos that?" asked Murphy as she approached her boss. Resplendent in Red, he seemed absolutely alive today. Nothing like an optimistic demon thinking up punishments for everyone who deserves em.

"Oh.. thats the ex-President of the Philippines, Ferdinand Marcos." answered The Boss.

"Hmmm..." Murphy furrowed her brow. "I cant quite get the punishment..."

"I had fun with this one. He gets to jog 10 miles in each of Imelda's shoes..." At this he waves his hand and a vision of thousands of high heels shimmers in front of Murphy.

"Hahaha! I'd bet he's really rueing each day he bought her stilettos right now." The Guy in the Red Suit waves his hand again and the image disappears.

Murphy held back a smirk. She seriously missed being part of infernal affairs. "...and the other guy? He doesnt look like he's part of hell. An honorary demon?"

"No, no. That's Ninoy Aquino."

"The Filipino Hero?! They guy who triggered the EDSA Revolution? What's he doing here?"

"Its something me and the Guy up there thought of actually. We're trying out a new exchange denizen program. Some of his blokes get a few months here to get their sweet revenge on their archnemesis, while some of our guys I send up there to watch at how much fun they're missing. At the end of the program, his folks go back happy, and mine go back more miserable."

"Ingenious..." Murphy whistled. Why hadn't she ever thought of that before?

"Precisely." The Guy In the Red Suit chuckled with glee. "Anyway, I summoned you here because he reminded me of something."

"Which is?"

"The Project"

Murphy repressed a shudder. "Oh... you mean... Him?" Of course he meant HIM. What else had been taking up her time the past few months?

"Yes. How is it going?"

"Er, fine I guess. Can't seem to kill him, so the next best thing is to make life miserable." It would have been more fun IF that angel of his didnt mess her plans every now and then.

"Well, we have a truce from up there." The Guy in the Red Suit looked at her in the eye. "Stay AWAY from him for a week. Give him his birthday off."

"Ah of course. Is it that time of the year already?" Murphy made a mental calculation. "And what do you suppose I do in the meantime? I got like 40% of my time freed up."

Good question, The Guy in the Red Suit thought. "How about some other bloggers? Go check his Blogyard or the ones who just dropped by his site. Yeah. have fun with them."

With that, Murphy smirked from ear to ear and set out on her new mission. She will definitely make sure she haves fun.

END

"What's that ticking sound Xero?"

The bartender asked the lone angel sipping wine on the bar. MegaPixiel was the Archangel guardian of the Entertainment world. Aeons ago, he handled the Roman Coliseums, the Olympics and every festival known to Man. Now, in the modern world, the great ArchAngel and his flight of angels stood watch over the whole of the entertainment world - movies, sportscasts, sitcoms and standup comedies. Philippine politics though, was not in his area of responsibility.

Having access to the biggest entertainment network in the universe. he was also the most obvious choice as the proprietor of the Divine Watering Hole, THE CLOUD NINE. (Angels need to loosen up too.) As with most great hosts, Megapixiel loved to go bartending in his free time as well.

The angel pondered over the audible ticks that were getting more noticable by the minute and downed his remaining wine in a single gulp. "I have to go my friend. HE..." Xero spoke this word with a bit of disdain in his mouth. "...is in trouble."

"And what makes you say that?" Megapixiel asked curiously. The denizens of the divine planes all had specific jobs for the One Most High. This Xero perplexed him most of all. Its very unusual that an angel gets dedicated to just one being. And ironically, he looked the most stressed among the angels.

"I put a danger-sensing charm on him before i had my break. It alerts me whenever he's in trouble. Basically, the faster the ticks are..." Xero paused. The ticks WERE getting faster. "...the closer he is to danger."

"Xero, as a friend and as a senior Arch Angel, I tell you to just take it easy. This human can fend for himself in the one day you're away." Megapixiel chuckled softly. These kids. They take these guardian roles a bit too seriously. "What can he possibly be doing to warrant a divine act just to save his skin?

Xero closed his eyes and envisioned his ward. He was in a sea of blue... loud voices... fearsome battle cries... banging drums... a war...

Xero knew.

"He's watching the Ateneo-LaSalle game." Xero said solemnly. He wasnt feeling a bit too well. Maybe he should get another glass of wine.

"...i dont see the problem. Here. Let's see." Megapixiel waved his hand. Immediately a 500' flat panel came before the two angels. Images swirled within- The earth, Asia, The Philippines, Manila... and finally the Araneta Coliseum. And then on the being known as Soloflite.

In the middle of the Ateneo bleachers.

"I have to go Megapixiel!!! He is definitely in deep shit!" Xero said panicking. "And he's wearing GREEN!!!"

The older angel squinted. "I dont think its that Bad. I'll make the crowd oblivious to him. Relax, he's in my domain."

"Sir, may I point out that he's even got GREEN WARPAINT!!!"

"...er, a bit tough, but i can handle it..." Megapixiel looks into the screen. "See? He's playing along with the crowd... he's even got a 'Blue Eagle' and waving it around..."

Xero sighs a bit. Yes, he WAS waving this big Blue Eagle toy. At least he had tact. But why was the charm acting as if it were a timebomb? The ticks were now spaced only milliseconds apart...

"...Why? What can possibly be wrong?" Xero looks closely at the image and suddenly bolts upright and unspread his wings. "Now I really gotta go!"

"Why?!" Megapixel exclaimed. "He's blending quite fine the way i see it!"

"The eagle..." Xero gasped as he prepared for flight... "...has got an arrow stuck in its chest!!!" With that the angel blitzes out of the Cloud Nine.

Megapixiel is left looking at the now-empty barstool, shaking his head. Now he knew what the younger angel was going through...

"Godspeed my friend. La Salle will win in a few seconds..."

to be continued...

"Proof? You want proof? See for yourself!"

Aga winced as the burly ex-heavyweight champion pulled off his blindfold.

Despite his vehement denial, the mafia showed no mercy when they discovered his treachery.

"Familiar?! This is against all we stand for!!"

A bloody eye opens...

There it was…

The BigMac, Half-eaten.

No wonder Jollibee was pissed.

____________





That was my 55-word short story.
Quickies can be satisfying sometimes ;)

"Oh God, i cant take this anymore!" cried Xero as he swung open the ornate office doors and
stormed into the room.

A soft chuckle emanated from the large desk at far end of the room. "Dont tell me you're already giving up?" replied a calm voice. "I thought you were already decided on getting this... promotion? "

Xero paused just enough to catch a glimpse at the speaker. As usual, he was sitting in his oversized chair with his back against him. The boss always knows everthing. Comes with the job i guess, Xero thought to himself. Building up courage once more, he approached the desk.

"Yes I am. I do want the promotion." Xero took another step closer. His eminence's very presence never ceased to calm him. Of course, he was never mad to begin with. Here in this room, lay an eternal peace. This was the Ark of Heaven, the chamber of the One.

"You question my wisdom then?" spoke the Lord.

"Of course not your holiness! I am but confused as to how ensuring the safety of this mortal is supposed to make me Archangel my lord. Are there no other tasks you wish me to do? Gabriel had it easy."

"To each his own my son. Time will show you my plans. So how has it been?"

"Terrible my lord. at least for me. ever since you told me to protect every single hair on his head from harm. Everything he seems to do turns out to be a disaster! And lord, I get nothing in return. No thanks, not even any acknowledgement everytime i save his butt from certain doom..." Xero was getting ecstatic.

"...Why only last week, he posted to the world how things always go wrong at the worst possible moments. He blames it all on someone called Murphy. Is that my counterpart down there?" He emphasized the last word slowly. Xero always suspected that there was something much more to guarding the human than met the eye.

"Maybe." Another chuckle. The Lord was definitely enjoying this game. Mental note: Ask Lucifer how HIS demon is faring. "And my restrictions? Remember, you should be very discreet."

"Yes your holiness. No blatantly changing of the physical laws. No witnesses on any divine acts. Though i do admit, that last misadventure of his was really a stumper"

"Ah yes, I remember that." Chuckle. "Busting out his tire at the last moment so that he wont get into that 6-vehicle-collision... And a year before that, quite an ingenieous way of clearing out C5 before his car spun out of control at 100Kph." A long pause. "Xero, the Archangel of Creativity. It has a nice ring to it doesnt it?"

Xero squirmed at this last bit of undeserved praise. Now for the bad news. "I think he's onto me, my liege."

"And why do you think that?"

"He fancies himself ... invincible."

"Interesting."

Exciting too. Xero sighed. Very exciting.

"He is scared of nothing now. He is reckless, suicidal, doesnt give a damn about his health AND keeps taunting enraged Ateneans about their sucky team... My lord! I cant just keep causing the bad guys to slip on banana peels! I cant continue possessing perfect strangers to catch him when he falls or push him away from falling hollowblocks! I dont even want to keep messing around with the natural order of life... My Lord, he is going to ABUSE ME!!!"

"You should be happy Xero. I give you the free hand to do what you want. this is much much more exciting than simply delivering messages to virgins or slaying firstborn Egyptians."

"Please dont make me go thru this my lord! Even angels have their limits!" cried Xero in exasperation. The limit was VERY close indeed.

"You can walk away any time you know. Just think about it." the Lord said with finality. "But remember, this is your trial by fire."

To be continued...

What will happen to Xero, Guardian Angel of the being known as SoloFlite? Will he achieve the reknowned title of Archangel? Or will he leave Soloflite alone in his adventures? Tune in next week for the continuation in...

Im a frustrated entertainer.
Really.

When i was a kid, i dreaded family reunions.
As with every normal filipino family, this meant a time to showcase your artistic and godgiven abilities.
It was a time all the kids were lined up to dance, sing or do whatever special talents they know
And i had none of those.

One by one, my titas would talk proudly about their kids- "My baby has such a cute dance number...", "My little boy can sing the..." or "Little nene here can play the piano"
And then it starts... The session...
A dance, A song, another dance

And then it would come to me.  After the nth reunion proving that i had not a single musical or even coordinated bone in my body, i get this intro:
"My boy adrian... well, he can... umm... he can... read the encyclopedia!! See, how smart he is?"

And i just stand there, suddenly in the limelight, thinking desperately of how the hell i should show this talent.
What do i do? Read in front of them?!
After the Ooohs and Ahhhs, and obviously no response from me, they move on to the next kid on the intro.

Damn, that was a frustrating time in my life.
I felt like a loser then, reading the encylopedia early on being my only claim to fame...
Luckily, i realized that there are other talents besides acting, singing and dancing
There is also... umm... ahhh... unmmm... well, other talents

_______________________________

Anyways, i was watching TV awhile ago and chanced upon the Starstruck kids competition.
these were kids who had no problems whatsoever performing in front of an audience
They must have damn big families

Must be easy getting kids to join that too
I mean, if every filipino family has reunions that arent complete without the usual musical entertainment, the kids are bound to show their aptitudes early.

And all kids below 5 are cute.
I have never seen a butt ugly baby.
Or at least anyone who admitted having a butt ugly baby.
If ET were born of a filipino, the family would still squabble over who gave him the "Cute" beady eyes...
Or even the three fingers... (I could imagine one of them saying... "Ah! Si Tita Baby, ganyan yung daliri!")

Well, they should enjoy this time of their lives
They're only cute til puberty
Then they'll realize that they should have just read the encyclopedia when they were smaller

My body is clamoring for change.

I feel it now-- this surge of indecision, the mixture of emotions. Fear, Anxiety and Doubt. Strength, Faith and Excitement. Again a battle between my logic, creativity...my body and my soul. I find myself giving in to the demands of each-- what else could explain the passion for work, a sudden interest for blogging, the need for the gym and this almost daily soulsearching?

I need to be perfect somehow. The Fourth Year is here once more.

Elementary, Highschool, College. Where these not but chapters in my life? Always, at the end of the chapter, I would feel the need for change. I would get bored at my current state and push myself to the absolute limit in preparation for the next part of the series.

And then the next chapter would come. And in the past two, it was especially so.

From being the poor boy in an elitist school, I was introduced to a very diverse highschool life in Pisay. It was a time i honed my logic and mathematical skills and reworked myself from being the sickly little boy to a fit young man through various sports. It was a time when I found solace in a group, yet strength in my individuality.

Then there was college, where i learned more about the social aspects of life, about the wonders of the internet and my potential for the arts. It was here that i was prepared for the rigors of the Real World and where most of who I am really came about.

But then again, the route was planned. The map was always there with the locations clearly marked. The graduation was something to prepare for. And the next stage, though something frightfully exciting, was always to be hoped for.

After this, then this. No ifs, no buts. I have to go where the next stop should be.

Now it is different. This is the the Real World. There are no maps. There is no graduation. There should be no Fourth Year.

Yet still, I feel the Fourth Year beckoning me.

I am strangely excited of what will happen next. What will i do the next four years? Is there a new chapter I have unknowingly advanced to? Or did I unwittingly get bonked off the block in the school of hard knocks?

Did I make the most of the past four years or am i destined to repeat it? Did I pass with flying colors or did I just drift by? Did I major on my majors or did I dabble too much in the extracurricular?

Yes, Im afraid. Maybe I wasnt on the right track. Maybe I took the wrong turn somewhere. Maybe, just maybe, I messed up.

And so here I am again, awaiting an imaginary graduation. Looking forward to tomorrow, but blinded by the light of dawn. In search for a dream, for my place in this world.

But then again, why shouldnt i greet the end of the Fourth Year the same way I did the last time? Why shouldnt I shout "Carpe Diem!" and raise my fist once again? Let the new challenges come... I will sneer at hopelessness in the face and tango with the inevitable yet again.

But first, I need to find my course in life. I need to figure out where im headed and find the new maps that will show me the path to my destiny.

The Fourth Year is upon me. And I have yet to find a new dream.